March 2, 2023

 

 

Ask, Seek, Knock

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Matthew 7:7-12

New International Version

Lately I have been thinking about the first time I came through the doors of St. Augustine’s.  Our little family was fairly new to Lethbridge, and I didn’t know many people, but when my English born mother-in-law came to visit, she suggested that we go to church together. So, I came with her, bringing along my two little boys. My toddler and newborn were welcomed downstairs by the kind ladies working in the nursery.  They felt safe and welcome at St. Augustine’s. So did I, for the most part. 

However, having been raised in an Evangelical tradition, the Book of Common Prayer was a mystery to me. So was The Book of Alternative Services, and, because I had never been baptized, I wasn’t allowed to take Communion. 

As long as my mother-in-law was in town, she guided me through the service. She assured me that it was fine when I remained in my seat while everyone else went up for the Eucharist.  

I was hooked on the liturgy and love I felt in this place the moment I walked in the door. But when my mother-in-law went home, I still felt out of place, and just a little bit dumb. So, I disappeared into the nursery — the church appeared to have a shortage  of nursery volunteers even back then — while my eldest son began Sunday School. 

I insisted on having both my little boys christened. I had been as adamant as their grandmother about that. So, I still don’t quite know what stopped me from truly becoming part of this community or why I couldn’t ask for what I needed to stay here.

Eventually, I got tired of hiding out in the basement. So, I enrolled my little boys in another Sunday School at a church were I could take Communion. This seemed to be a less embarrassing route than simply asking the priest, or even one of the ladies I spent Sunday mornings talking to in the nursery,  if I could be baptized and confirmed. 

I often wonder what would have happened in our family if I had stayed, if I had dared to ask for what I needed from this church when my boys were little. But maybe, the journey we have taken was the journey we were meant to take. Maybe it was a necessary part of our spiritual formation.  

I do know that by the time my daughter was born, I found some courage. She and I were baptized on the same day in another denomination. But I never felt like I was really at home in any of the other churches I attended when my children were growing up. 

I never forgot the love I felt in this church. I never forgot my eldest’s son’s beaming face as he ran to me with a picture he had coloured in Sunday School here. That love eventually drew me back here in the early 2000s. And that love was there for my two surviving children and their father when my eldest son died this winter.  I know that Jesus loves him more than I ever could, that he has him safe. That he holds him — and the rest of us — tight. 

Love sticks. Love is eternal. It is what inspires us to repent. It’s what give us our second chances.  It’s love that draws seekers to Jesus.  If those we love keep seeking they will find their way. 

Still, I can’t help thinking that its our job to make it a little easier for them to ask the questions.

 

- Jane Harris

 

Shawn Phillips, Seek and Ye Shall Find