March 23, 2023

 

Mystery of Faith

As I was preparing for this reflection, I was reminded of a dream I had many years ago, though the memory of it is as vivid as if it had happened yesterday. Before I share the dream, I will like to say that this reflection is dedicated to those who are struggling in finding their way. No life should go in vain and no darkness should outshine God’s forgiveness and mercy.

That night, years ago as I was getting ready for bed, I was contemplating about Jesus, his sovereign authority and where I resided within it. I was gifted with a dream about Him and His greatness.

The dream began as I looked up into a clear blue sky and saw that Jesus was coming, He came nailed to the cross, like the crucifix you see today. I stood there transfixed, watching as he came closer. He was faced horizontal as He moved toward the Earth, and as He got closer, I was able to see the nooks and crannies of the wood that became his cross and I noticed He was transparent. His human form was clear, clear as if looking into the purest blue water. He was beautiful.

As I watched Him coming down to Earth I came to the quick realization that He was too holy to be looking at directly. I immediately dropped myself to the ground and laid flat, my face facing downward and I spread my arms straight out at my sides, my body’s positioning imitating His on the cross and I laid still without a word.

Later, I came to understand that the form I took was actually a form a person takes who is in repentance, how they lay themselves before the Lord. I could feel Jesus’s cross touched the land in front of me, his crucifix was upright. I didn’t dare look up at him but stayed faced down. In that moment my life passed before me in 3 timeframes representing 3 forms of life that I have lived.  

The first form was the life of innocence. The life of an innocent was when I didn’t know right from wrong and this was when I was a child in my younger years. Understanding and knowledge came through the consequences of my actions and typically when I did something wrong.

The second life that passed before me was a life of rebellion. I felt deep remorse as I was shown this time of my life. This life was a time where you knew it was wrong but you did it anyways with the intention to rebel. This was a place of being lost.

The third and final life shown to me was a life of devotion. It was a self-realization of God, Christ and the Holy Spirit and the absolute need, want and desire to have Him in my life. It was the time of enlightenment that life was not life without Him.

The dream went on with my awareness that there was absolutely nothing that I could hide from Jesus and I sensed as He step off His cross and approached me, his toes inches from me as I still laid flat on the ground. He gazed upon me and He knew everything about my life. Every stage of my life; from the innocent, to the rebellion, to when I finally came to a place of claiming Him and feeling the upmost admiration for Him.

As He stood before me, His gaze upon me, I knew I was facing my judgement.

I felt His sovereign power, so therefore within the dream I remained in a mindset of repentance knowing He had full disclosure on my life. When I read Exodus 32:7-14. The scripture stated, God threatened to destroy the Israelites for their rebellion. He was ready to wipe them from the face of this earth. In the dream I knew He can do away with me in a blink of an eye and I anticipated to be blown to smithereens. 

I woke up and instead of condemnation as I had expected, I woke up with the most overwhelming feeling of God’s forgiveness and mercy. I felt miraculous within my being.

My mother shared with me a story of her mother, my grandmother. The story is more of a prayer. When my mother was starting to have her children she heard my grandmother praying in Blackfoot. She was praying for one of my uncles or aunties that were not doing good. She prayed for this child not to go too far (with their life). I later come to understand that this child of hers was being rebellious. My mother hearing her mother pray like this, she in turned prayed the same prayer for me, when I was in my rebellious life.

When God learned that his people had created a golden calf to worship He wanted to wipe them from the face of the earth but Moses petition to God on behalf of the rebellious Israelites and he reminded God of His promises He made to His servants Abraham, Isaac and Israel and that their descendants will be given the Promised Land. God listened and stopped His wrath.

I contemplated on why God gave the stiff-necked people a second chance because like myself, in the dream I was guilty of my own rebellion. In all actuality, it doesn’t seem like a compelling argument to save this large group of people the Israelites as they were great in number and great in their evil, wicked and rebellious life.  But, no matter how sophisticated or unsophisticated Moses’ petition was He compelled God and the people were saved.

I am not sure if my mother’s prayer had a compelling argument or called God on His promises but in her prayers she petitioned God for me; and in my dream as I faced my judgement I felt her prayer was heard. She was my Moses.

As people, especially being people of prayer we need to pray like Moses and petition for ourselves, our loved ones and even people we don’t know. The golden calf is everywhere and we need to build our faith.

Faith is built and strengthen by us hearing and listening to God’s Word and it is reinforced by hearing and listening to it again and again and again. Our petition, is that we quickly pass or bypass rebellion and experience God’s hope, love and life. I awoke from the dream with an overwhelming feeling of the cross placed within me and it resonated forgiveness, belonging and mercy.

When Jesus died on the cross, was buried and was risen this became a glorious mystery of faith and we celebrate this glorious mystery of faith as Easter. 

- Ruth Provost